Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Signs I'm Not Myself

So, I haven't blogged in a good 3 months.

Not acceptable. I have had so many blog worthy things going on. Our first year anniversary, fun themed parties, crafty nights, new recipes I've found or want to try, weddings, events, TV shows, etc. But finding the time to blog about them has been ridiculous. I'm doing good to have uploaded pics last night to Facebook that have been on my camera since August.

But something has happened lately that has left me saying, "Who am I and what have I done with Olivia?!?!"

Maybe I'm over committing. Maybe I'm just doing a little too much and not focusing on the important things. I mean hello, I've always been little miss overachiever, working multiple jobs, planning big events, going to school, and balancing it all while having a super clean house and chasing my inner Martha Stewart. But lately, that's fallen by the wayside.

Lately, my house hasn't been spotless. Don't get me wrong, I don't think i'll ever be that person who has a dirty house, but things just aren't the way they usually are. My closet isn't color coordinated any more. There are almost ALWAYS at least 2 or 3 pairs of shoes by my door, and I can't tell you the last time our laundry basket has been empty.

We've also been out of town almost every weekend, and some weeks I find myself not completely unpacking, but transferring bags and not putting things fully back to where they belong.

I haven't worked out. In like a month. I haven't been gaining weight, and surprisingly have lost a little thanks to watching what I eat most of the time, but I still don't feel that healthy and I know it's because working out makes me feel amazing.

I haven't been cooking and trying new recipes like I want to, and I have new projects that I want to create, but my crafts end up piling up in the corner like junk waiting to be stored.

Anyone who knows me, knows that these things literally stress me out. And I'm not sure what to do to fix it.

I'm doing great at my new job and I love it, but i'm ALWAYS busy. And I have to be alert and at my most creative all day. So by the time I get home, I'm too exhausted to think about applying that to my own life. And the weekends are our only time to spend quality time with friends and family, so we're usually busy with that.

And when I do get a chance to relax, I do just that. I sleep, for like 12 hours at a time. But then I end up feeling guilty about not getting other things done.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what new moms go through as they realize they can't do it all like they used to. But then again, I see people every day balancing way more than I ever have and I am envious. I'm trying to cope with the fact that maybe that just isn't me anymore and that now I just need to take a step back, make some realistic goals, and get back to doing what makes me happy.

I haven't abandoned blogging all together, and I'm sure that at some point, i'll look back on this post and realize I was just going through a rut, but right now, this is something I'll put aside as I try to get back to balancing everything. Until then, I'm still reading blogs in my spare time, and don't want to lose touch with the blogging community or the "friends" I've met through this! I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been through this, so hopefully you all understand and I don't lose touch completely!

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